Hilarious Amazon Reviews

A list by ReeseTee in Fun • 31 items • 2 followers • 1 like • Comment

Individual descriptions are actual quotes from Amazon reviews.

The Fussy Pup Somewhere Over the Rainbow Pot O' Gold St. Patricks Day Cookie Cutter

The Fussy Pup Somewhere Over the Rainbow Pot O' Gold St. Patricks Day Cookie Cutter

$14.79
Rating: (35 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"No matter what I did, I couldn't get the cookie dough to rise. My wife said 'Oh, honey. It's ok. It happens to all bakers now and then.' Which,... Read more...




 Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat

Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat

"I purchased this book as I was tired of people sitting too near me on public transport."




 Wallmonkeys Senior Woman with Asthma Wall Decal Peel and Stick Graphic (24 in H x 21 in W) WM335116

Wallmonkeys Senior Woman with Asthma Wall Decal Peel and Stick Graphic (24 in H x 21 in W) WM335116

$24.96
Rating: (61 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"Put it up right next to my framed oil painting of an old man measuring his pills into a daily dispenser. Looks amazing!"




Wallmonkeys Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread Wall Decal Peel and Stick Graphic WM97567 (24 in W x 18 in H)

Wallmonkeys Bitten Baloney Sandwich on White Bread Wall Decal Peel and Stick Graphic WM97567 (24 in W x 18 in H)

$24.96
Rating: (6 reviews)

"When the item arrived I was disappointed as it is a poster and I have no house. Hence no walls to hang it on. I gave it to a blind man and he ate the entire thing. He then got very sick and sued me. I now have no sandwich and no money. Thank you."




Wallmonkeys  FOT-742458-18 WM118309 Golf Cart Seniors Isolated Peel and Stick Wall Decals (18 in W x 12 in H), Small

Wallmonkeys FOT-742458-18 WM118309 Golf Cart Seniors Isolated Peel and Stick Wall Decals (18 in W x 12 in H), Small

$21.96
No reviews

"At first, I was questioning whether I should purchase a wall decal of a lovely senior couple going for a joyride in a go-cart or a different decal of a senior woman using her inhaler. Overall, I am extremely pleased with my purchase."




Stuffed Plush Elephant Hat Costume Party Cap

Stuffed Plush Elephant Hat Costume Party Cap

$6.27
Rating: 3.4 (247 reviews)

"When it arrived the ears do not stand up on their own and the trunk sticks straight out from the head--it does not curve like it appears to in the photo. It looks like a giant penis attached to a kids head. I do not recommend anyone purchase this item."




Montegrappa Chaos Silver and Enamel Automatic Watch

Montegrappa Chaos Silver and Enamel Automatic Watch

"I wore this watch while watching Rocky and Sylvester Stallone appeared in my living room and punched me in the face."




Zenith Men's 95.0527.4021/02.M530 Defy Xtreme Open Limited Edition Watch

Zenith Men's 95.0527.4021/02.M530 Defy Xtreme Open Limited Edition Watch

$17,230.37
Rating: 2.9 (4 reviews)

"I bought two to wear on each wrist!!! Thank god I had Amazon Prime for free shipping. . . . Everything is made of Titanium!! The Most herculean metal on earth!!! At $4.35 a kilo of titanium, you are getting pound for pound the greatest exaggeration of price difference on the planet!! This is one of a kind, no stop shop, must have now!!! Next time I'm 3300 feet in the bottom of my pool, thanks Zenith, i'll know what time it is, WILL YOU?!"




Accoutrements Horse Head Mask

Accoutrements Horse Head Mask

$20.99
Rating: 4.3 (2,897 reviews)

"Question: Can you wear this while running? I want to wear this during a 10K. Is it difficult to break in?
Answer: neigh"




Microwave for One

Microwave for One

$16.89
Rating: 3.8 (161 reviews)

"I never knew loneliness until I read this wonderful book. Now I am on first name basis with my microwave and we do everything together. No longer do I dine alone at nights."




 Men's Nike Air Foamposite One NRG "Galaxy" Basketball Shoes - 521286 800

Men's Nike Air Foamposite One NRG "Galaxy" Basketball Shoes - 521286 800

$2,007
Rating: 3.5 (8 reviews)

"If you look really close, you'll see that there's a real galaxy inside these shoes."




 UFO Detector - Internal magnetometer interfaced with microcontroller for 24 hour/7 days a week monitoring for magnetic anomalies that have been reported with many UFO sightings

UFO Detector - Internal magnetometer interfaced with microcontroller for 24 hour/7 days a week monitoring for magnetic anomalies that have been reported with many UFO sightings

$87.66
Rating: 3.5 (131 reviews)

"I don't know if this is a scam or if mine was broken, but it doesn't work and I am still getting abducted by UFO's on a regular basis."




6ft Square Buddha Maitreya the Christ 51 Degree Copper Meditation Pyramid System for Healing - With Polished Copper Connectors, Apex & Base Poles and 4" Capstone

6ft Square Buddha Maitreya the Christ 51 Degree Copper Meditation Pyramid System for Healing - With Polished Copper Connectors, Apex & Base Poles and 4" Capstone

$652
Rating: 2.9 (14 reviews)

"This tent was missing its stakes, tarp, and fly cover. I had to cover it in vines and leaves for my camping trip, and I got soaked overnight when it rained. Coincidentally, my hepatitis is gone now."




Bristol Novelty BM305 Penguin Overhead Mask (One Size)

Bristol Novelty BM305 Penguin Overhead Mask (One Size)

$22.48
Rating: 4.8 (10 reviews)

"I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about their bedtime, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the mask, and they soon know who is King Penguin."




 Bleachers

Bleachers

$11,163.99
Rating: 3.1 (22 reviews)

"One note:
They are a bit bulky to get on planes. That makes it difficult to take them to the Macy's parade or the Rose Bowl Parade. However, with a little bit of planning you should have no problem."




 The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

$11.90 - $44.99
Rating: 4.4 (3,448 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"Once I apply the magical wolves fabric to my chest, my mullet grew like Odin's beard, my rusted T-top Firebird turned sweet candy apple red and my... Read more...




 Uranium Ore

Uranium Ore

$39.95
Rating: 3.5 (1,281 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty."




 Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds 1:97 Scale Die Cast United States Military Aircraft - US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle RQ-1 Predator with Display Stand

Maisto Fresh Metal Tailwinds 1:97 Scale Die Cast United States Military Aircraft - US Air Force Medium Altitude, Long Endurance, Unmanned Aerial Vehicle RQ-1 Predator with Display Stand

Rating: 3.3 (239 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"My son has always exhibited antisocial behavior, so I knew he would love this model predator drone. Sure enough, he hasn't stopped carrying out... Read more...




 BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk)

BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk)

Rating: (2,045 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"I used one of these pens post-hysterectomy, and my uterus grew back. Thanks a lot, Bic. Thanks a whole hell of a lot."




 Fresh Whole Rabbit

Fresh Whole Rabbit

Rating: 2.9 (325 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"I bought two, left them alone in the refrigerator for a week, and now I have thirty-eight."




 Tuscan Dairy Whole Vitamin D Milk, Gallon, 128 oz

Tuscan Dairy Whole Vitamin D Milk, Gallon, 128 oz

Rating: 3.6 (1,668 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"Frankly I was at the end of my rope.
We'd gone through the Sicilian, Ligurian and Venetian Whole Milk gallons, and our marriage was still... Read more...




 Sharp, Provolone Piccante Cheese (Whole Wheel) Approximately 11 Lbs

Sharp, Provolone Piccante Cheese (Whole Wheel) Approximately 11 Lbs

$229.11
Rating: 3.6 (22 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"What do you think Journey are on about when they sing 'Wheel in the sky keep on turnin' '? A UFO? No, silly; they're attesting to the stellar... Read more...




 How to Avoid Huge Ships

How to Avoid Huge Ships

Rating: 3.6 (1,407 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"I don't know if it was the pressure of early adult life or the demands of college, but I began to experiment with huge ships in my late teens. I... Read more...




 Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff

Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff

$7.05
Rating: 4.6 (967 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"While some may find fault with the excess and triviality associated with mindless consumerism, once in a long while a particular product and/or... Read more...




 Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant

Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant

Rating: (555 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"I tried to file my nails, but in the process I accidentally fixed a small engine that was near by. Which was nice"

"I didn't even order this... Read more...




 Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

$8.95
Rating: (5,712 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"We were so excited to get our Hutzler 571...until we realized that our bananas curved the wrong way. Gonna have to go to the store for new... Read more...




 Sigma 200-500mm f/2.8 APO EX DG Ultra-Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon DSLR Cameras

Sigma 200-500mm f/2.8 APO EX DG Ultra-Telephoto Zoom Lens for Nikon DSLR Cameras

$25,999
Rating: 4.3 (111 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"It's a good lens but watch the recoil; you do not want to standing behind this lens when it goes off."




 Delicious PhD Darling Costume

Delicious PhD Darling Costume

$6.93 - $32.26
Rating: 2.3 (428 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"First things first, I am a lady Ph.D.

Like all lady Ph.Ds, I frequently ask myself: 'How could I be sexier?'

Delicious costumes has come to... Read more...




 Playmobil Security Check Point (Discontinued by manufacturer)

Playmobil Security Check Point (Discontinued by manufacturer)

$99.99
Rating: 3.1 (225 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"The toy works perfectly, but all my son's action figures appear to be on a 'no fly' list, even the birds.
Thank goodness we have a train set or... Read more...




 AutoExec Wheelmate Steering Wheel Attachable Work Surface Tray

AutoExec Wheelmate Steering Wheel Attachable Work Surface Tray

$20.53
Rating: (1,280 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"As a police officer, I found it difficult to get fresh doughnuts at all hours. No problem now! . . . The shift commander was impressed with my... Read more...




 A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates

$57.12
Rating: 4.0 (683 reviews)

From amazon.com:

"'A Million Random Digits'? HA!
They only used 10, and just kept repeating them in different combinations!
Don't be fooled!"




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